If you know me, you know I don’t like conflict or confrontation. I like peace. Everyone getting along, people compromising, giving in a little, taking a little so that things run smoothly, feelings aren’t hurt and people get along. That’s what I like.
That’s not what I’ve known lately. Not much peace in my neck of the woods. I’ve done my share of all the things I listed above, I’ve also not done my share of those things. Sometimes conflicts will arise. Not everyone is on the same page at the same time. Sometimes the same page will never be found.
I’m sure in this case common ground and peace will be found soon. Circumstances will be forgiven and hearts will be mended. But for now I’m working through a lot of emotion and feelings. That sounds like such a girl thing to say. I wonder if men would use the same terminology. Probably not.
Right now I’m praying. And praying some more. I’m seeking God out through His word, books written by His people and by prayer. I so want to hear His voice, and feel his touch on my shoulder. I want a compass that doesn’t just point north but also has a picture of what north looks like. Anyone with me on that?
It’s a strange place to be as an adult. I remember being here as a teenage girl, the conflict, the not knowing. I really hated it then and boy did it do some hijinks to my stomach! But as an adult, it’s weird.
I look around me and everyone seems to have everything figured out. And It seems that I don’t. I know it’s temporary. Tomorrow is a new day and things could quite possibly be brand new and rosey again. But today I’m writing this and feeling it as I do.
I’m reading Beth Moore’s Believing God right now.(free for the Kindle. She has like 10 books free right now, go and get them!) I keep quoting “I believe God is who He says He is”. What a powerful phrase. Even more so to me is just the name JESUS. I just say his name over and over and peace comes to my heart.
I don’t know what I’m accomplishing by writing this. Maybe just putting my feelings down will make it better. Make me see something in a new light. I don’t know. But if nothing else, maybe you’ll say a prayer for me. And come back tomorrow and I’ll tell you that everything is good and that conflict is no longer my shadow!
I’m ok, really i am. No need for you to worry or be anxious about me. I’m ok!