We live in a town with no family. We live hours away, counties away, and state lines away from them. It is what we know and it is how we have lived now for 4 years. It is life, yet there are days I would give a front tooth to have my mama, my sister, my daddy or my mother in love in the same town as me.
Randall travels a lot. It is what we know and it is how we have lived for years now. It is life, yet there are days when he is gone that I wonder if I will make it to bedtime with a shred of sanity left in me. This week is one of those weeks. He will be on a late flight tonight and get back to town at about 2 am to ensure he wakes up with us in the morning. He tries to stay no more than 2 or 3 nights away at a time. I know some people have husbands who are home every night and feel the way i do, because their husbands don’t help. Mine helps. He helps too much! I am bad about letting him do it all some nights so when he is away for 3 nights I begin to fold. I am spoiled I guess.
My friend Emily thinks I am “amazing” and scratches her head in wonder on how I can work, volunteer in the community, teach at church, keep a house clean and be a single mama sometimes. I laugh at her. I don’t know any different. It is my life. Her parents and in-laws live in our town. She knows no other way, just like I know no other way. We are both in awe at each other and how we manage motherhood.
Tonight I was in breakdown mode and my daddy called. I picked up and he sensed I was about to loose it and he asked to talk to Henry. When Henry got off the phone with his grandaddy he was a different child. He was calm and receptive to instruction. I think God had my daddy call at that moment. I am bad about letting no one know when I am about to break or fold. I like to appear to have it under control, but sometimes it is just an act. This week it has been an act. I am spent. I have a potty training rowdy toddler who is pushing all my mama buttons.
If you are in shoes like me, don’t feel alone. I don’t have parents or inlaws down the street, I don’t have parents or inlaws who visit on a regular schedule either. We do it all, all the time and we love it. We don’t complain. You will never hear us complain. This post is not a complaint. It is just a vent and an encouragement for those who struggle with this sometimes like I do. We love being all to our boy, yet we are human, but thankfully, God is great. He gives me the strength and patience I need and He gives me an unexpected phone call at the right time to brush a calm over things.
God also lovingly gives me the little voice at supper that says, “I love you mama. You my best friend!” He also gives me the little voice that quotes John 1:3 without being prompted in class at church and wows me with how much he is learning. Motherhood is a gift like no other. I am so glad God gave me Henry and I am so glad God gave me His presence. I am also so glad that the last voice I hear on the nights I am home alone is Henry’s, when he says “Night night. I love you sweet mama!”
It’s a season in life and from what I hear it is a short one and I am suppose to soak it up. I am soaking… but somedays it is not as sudsy of a soak as the other days!